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| Reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan has me thinking about God in a refreshed way. I watched his youtube videos before reading his book, and he often refers to them in his book which I thought was pretty funny. haha. They are pretty crazy because I dont often see God in this kind of light. I see God as powerful, but I dont really see him as powerful as he really is. I dont know if i make sense, but to know how i perceive God to be is probably less than a speck of who he really is. Ive been reading about other religions because I found this book in my car. It is probably a book that someone told me to give to someone else, but its been in my car for years now I think. Thanks for the book. haha. Its good for me to read about other religions and see what the differences are from christianity. I was very curious of what the book states about Christianity specifically. I noticed, or this is my own realization, that all religions seem the same. Followers of a certain religion seem to feel and know that their god is real. Just as I feel my God is real. I could probably be bias and tell other followers of buddah, muhammad, and others that I know my God is real because of this and this and your god cant do this or that. I am sure they can say the same things to me about their god. It really is by grace that we are saved. I am pretty grateful that I have faith in the god that I know of because if all else fails in arguments of which religion is the true, I have a heaven to go to and others in other religions dont.
What I read that was interesting was that other religions were formed with the leader alive, and he wrote out most of the laws, rules, and established the religion himself. But in Christianity, others wrote the Bible, and others stated what God told them. There are stories in the Bible, but no real writings by God, or by Jesus. That was interesting. I mean i could be wrong, but that is what I read or I hope that I remember what I read correctly. There are a lot of inspiring words in each religion. I feel like I can quote their sayings and be inspired by them. What about the bible? what about what I read and live by? Do i need the inspiration of other religious belivers? What makes me sad is the fact that many believers dont know the strength and wisdom that the Bible has. I mean, I dont even know the real strength and wisdom it has as well. Dig in, and lets see the deeper soil that isnt easily reached.
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| I've been trying to remember a verse that Benny told my team on bwam in Mexico City. It was werid how i finally found it right now. First, I was trying to figure out little Micah's name so that I could refer to him in a comment that I made to someone on facebook. I couldnt remember his name for the life of me. Then after I checked my gmail, I usually get emails from a holy church with a verse or two everyday, but i usually erase them. Today, I felt like opening it. And there it was. The verse that spoke so dear to me in MC. It is Micah 6:8, "What does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (http://www.blueletterbible.org/commentaries/comm_view.cfm?AuthorID=1&contentID=5976&commInfo=26&topic=Micah&ar=Mic_6_8) My trip to Mexico City flashed before my eyes. Even the little boy's face, Micah, that I had a hard time remembering his name, came to my mind. It was good.
I think this is one of the ways in which there is no such thing as a coincidence. Recently, I was reminded of my trip to China 3 years ago. A few people went to eat/hang out with a family that my team and I spent a week with when we were there. I have to admit, I have so many questions that make me doubt, but whenever I doubt Him I am always reminded of the times in which He never felt so real. God is very real to me, and things in my life dont make sense unless it is all accredited to Him. Remembering the times that only I find magnificient, or amazing, and it really is only me because other people could care less, is great because it gives me hope. It is hard to keep in check with reality and go on each day as if nothing really is "supernatural." Supernatural, fake, fragments of our own imaginations, all that, yeah maybe, but He and everything that has to do with Him is so real not just to me, but to many people. Call us crazy and dumb, but this is what keeps us alive, and hopeful in this life that is so often hopeless. See all the homeless, cancerfilled, sexually abused/slaved, orphaned, and left behind people? What kind of God can make a world such as this, people always ask, and I as well. What more can we do, and what kind of powerful God is he to make this world like it is right now? There is a reason for everything, and to turn away and reject doing nothing because you are so hopeless of how this world has become, might be the wrong way to go. Yes, people cant do anything about certain things in life, but being hopeful that there is something greater in the end is the most, if not all, we can do/think. Hope is a strong word. I talked to one of my friends that just left for Korea again, and we both talked about what we want to do in the future. I talked to someone online about what I wanted to do in the future as well. Good conversations. Talking to people about what my plans are seems so encouraging and makes me so hopeful, but then I lose heart really fast... I hope it isnt all talk but action as well.
Conclusion, just do it, and change the world the best you think you can. God can probably do the rest.
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| Since Ive been home, I have become careless. I dont mind if my clothes are everywhere until I sleep on my bed, and then put all my clothes to one section of my room. I dont care that I wake up late anymore. I dont care that I just hang around at home most of the day and do nothing. What happened? Post-grad slump? There is no direction in my day. It was nice for the first week or so, but now, I need to do something.
In Irvine, I loved making the most out of my free time. Yes, I would have some free days of doing nothing, but even then, Id do something like read a random book, drive to the market, or go to the gym. Home is way too comfortable for me I guess. Nothing really to worry about anymore, now that I am not on my own. I guess I have let my parents be responsible for things in my life again.. which is why I knew living back at home was no good for me, to a certain extent. Home is definitely way too comfortable to be at.
It has only been 2/3 weeks since Ive graduated, and moved out of my apartment in Irvine. I sure do miss my apartment.. So quiet, and just me if not one out of my 2 roommates at home. I didnt have much stuff over there, so there was barely any cludder, or unnecessary piles of things. Whenever I go in my room, I get semi-frustrated because there are things in there that I want to see gone! but some are my sisters, and I cant do anythign about it.
I should really tidy up my unworn clothes in my closet and donate them to my church for their garage sale, or just give it to the goodwill store down the street. Ill get to it soon. But for now, lets eat! Food is good at home for sure. But, I do miss eating out with friends in Irvine. I miss college life for sure..
New Discoveries..
I love korean Ramen! I eat it every chance I get.
My parents' love for Lays Potato chips, Lightly salted. ONLY the lightly salted ones. We drove around to find them because they dont sell them at any grocery store..
My brother's life style is kind of similiar to my post-grad life. He graduated '06, but he does have a job, a very chill job.
I love driving to far places... I guess to eat only if it is with good company.
My love for San Jose. Ive been missing it.. which is out of nowhere. Maybe because of the possible trip on the 4th. THat city is so, homie.
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| "To pursue being naked, you have to believe that this person is worth getting to know for the rest of your lives. Being naked is peeling back the layers, conversation after conversation, experience after experience, year after year. It's rooted in a belief that the soul has infinite depth and you'll never get to the bottom of it. Our understanding of what it means to be naked reflects what we believe about the human soul. Is it infinite? or can you get to the end of a person?"
It hard to be patient for me, when it comes to relationships. I am maybe, forever doomed, but at least I realize and learn after I do make certain choices/decisions in my life. Maybe for some, I regret doing, but in the end what is meant to be, will be. I have been realizing that I am a control freak. I guess I will admit it. I am.. dang it.
"If you see me for who I really am, the me that no one else has ever seen, the me that I wouldnt dare to show anybody else on the planet, the parts of me Im not sure I want anybody ever to see, if i give you that kind of glimpse into the seat of my being, into my soul, will you still love me like you do now? This is our question to each other , and our question to God"
Havent read Sex God by Rob Bell? Read it please, it is pretty thought provoking.
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| I think I need more time. More time to relax. More time to unwind. More time to reflect. More time with God. More time to clean. More time to figure out what I want to do after I graduate. More time to seek answers. grow. enjoy friends. have more good times. find myself. sleep. learn from mistakes. develop better daily habits. improve.
Possibly a good chunk will come at retreat. Im excited. I hope I get a good counselor. Possibly a future good women mentor. Ive been asking for one of those, officially. It is always nice to learn something about yourself through just talking to older, wiser people. I sometimes strive on good relationships. They are worth my time, anytime for sure. There are too many mistakes you can make, so learn from others' mistakes.
hellooooo 2009. The year to finally graduate... yikes
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